Not goodbye, not forever, you said.

I'm sorry. Sorry that I couldn't be who I wanted to be - who I wish I could have been, when it came to you, to us. I'm sorry I never had enough courage to try harder to find out, sorry that I talked you into coming all the way up here, and then just let you go where I can't follow. Sorry I couldn't be there when you needed me, and sorry I didn't realize you needed me when you did. Sorry I wasn't a better friend, a stronger one, a truer one. Sorry for the loneliness, and the depression, the distance and the heartbreak. Please believe this, if nothing else. I never meant to hurt you, never meant for you to feel this pain, sorrow, this exhaustion or fear.

What I wish for me isn't important, not here, not now. What I wish for you is sunlight of the soul, healing of the mind and body, bonding and safe passage for you and your daughter - that doors open and many caring hands welcome you no matter where you go. And that the inner beauty you sometimes deny, that which I know so well and have seen so often, never be snuffed out by the harshness of life or by what others may say or do. Drive safe, sleep in peace and awaken without shadows, Leopard Lady. You are and will be missed.

You are, and will be loved.

(no subject)

Ugh, Just. Bloody. Well. Woke. Up. Could have sworn there was daylight when I went to take a nap, just a short nap mind you. Didn't expect to sleep for nearly 6 hours.

And I'm still tired.

gah.

And now I KNOW I'm tired, I can't even write decent porn tonight. Dammitall.