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NOW I remember why I don't like Bike Weekend. It's not the tourists (yum) or all the Bikes (Double YUM), or the guys with long hair (WHOO HOOO!), or the parties, or the rain that happens EVERY SINGLE FREAKING YEAR. No, not at all. It's the way that the motorcycle exhaust seems to linger in the air, worming it's way into the local populace and bringing out the STUPID and the DUMB in people. Why oh why is it always the freaking locals?
HELPFUL HINTS FOR THE NEW OR UN-INITIATED:
1. Just Because it's Bike Week doesn't give you the right to automatically think you DESERVE to see my mammeries. Last time I checked it was something like a thousand bucks a breast to show these puppies off, once I'm arrested for public exhibition. Do you have that kind of cash? Neither do I. So joke if you want, but don't go becoming an absolute asshole because I won't lift my shirt to you and the rest of the cell-phone, internet connected world. I have better things to do with my money, and it generally doesn't involve getting me out of jail.
2. Drinking alcohol while walking down the street/riding on the front OR the back of your bike/car/pick up/ATV/HUMV/Tank/plane/boat/waverunner moving engine powered vehicle on public roads is a no-no. And driving too soon after imbibing this self same alcohol is also a no-no. It causes way too many accidents. And although some people like to see DHART (Dartmouth-Hitchcock Advanced Response Team) flying in and out of the area? The ones involved don't really find it all that much fun, because most of the time they are too busy trying to keep from DYING to be able to check out the scenery. And besides, do you know how much those flights COST! Let's try to keep the emergency helicopters on the ground this year, and the medical examiners from having to work overtime for a change.
3. Bikes are on the road people, and guess what, they are smaller than cars. NO SERIOUSLY! So they are harder to see. SO WATCH OUT FOR THEM! They do not have the benefit of having side panels, or the kind of body armer that automobiles can provide their passengers. They provide many things, many awesome, fantastic wonderful things, but driver and passenger doors and a roof are not included.
4. The police can be anything you personally think they are. I've seen good cops, and bad cops, but still - it's not a good idea to go pushing either type. Good cops may be a touch more patient if you get in their personal space, and it may look good to your buddies who may be watching and cheering you on expend all that testosterone/estrogen at screaming about how unfair the world is and how terrible they are - but imagine the looks on your buddies faces, and the cellphone pics of you on the ground, tasered or OC-Sprayed like the idiot you are as they are handcuffing you and carting your ass off.
5. Hospital etiquette. (ah, you knew I'd get to the reason of this rant sooner or later, didn't you?) It is not a good idea to yell and scream and swear, and threaten and stomp your feet, and throw personal items along with hospital items, and get in the face of the Doctor and staff who are treating your illness/injury you dumb alcoholic-overloaded schmuck! That Doctor is the only think keeping you from getting your ass hauled off to lockup for PC; and that single police officer and the security officer? If they can't handle you themselves and put you down so that you are no longer threatening to yourself or others, guess what? The big blue uniformed calvary is just a red phone call away. Dumb ass.
HELPFUL HINTS FOR THE NEW OR UN-INITIATED:
1. Just Because it's Bike Week doesn't give you the right to automatically think you DESERVE to see my mammeries. Last time I checked it was something like a thousand bucks a breast to show these puppies off, once I'm arrested for public exhibition. Do you have that kind of cash? Neither do I. So joke if you want, but don't go becoming an absolute asshole because I won't lift my shirt to you and the rest of the cell-phone, internet connected world. I have better things to do with my money, and it generally doesn't involve getting me out of jail.
2. Drinking alcohol while walking down the street/riding on the front OR the back of your bike/car/pick up/ATV/HUMV/Tank/plane/boat/waverunner moving engine powered vehicle on public roads is a no-no. And driving too soon after imbibing this self same alcohol is also a no-no. It causes way too many accidents. And although some people like to see DHART (Dartmouth-Hitchcock Advanced Response Team) flying in and out of the area? The ones involved don't really find it all that much fun, because most of the time they are too busy trying to keep from DYING to be able to check out the scenery. And besides, do you know how much those flights COST! Let's try to keep the emergency helicopters on the ground this year, and the medical examiners from having to work overtime for a change.
3. Bikes are on the road people, and guess what, they are smaller than cars. NO SERIOUSLY! So they are harder to see. SO WATCH OUT FOR THEM! They do not have the benefit of having side panels, or the kind of body armer that automobiles can provide their passengers. They provide many things, many awesome, fantastic wonderful things, but driver and passenger doors and a roof are not included.
4. The police can be anything you personally think they are. I've seen good cops, and bad cops, but still - it's not a good idea to go pushing either type. Good cops may be a touch more patient if you get in their personal space, and it may look good to your buddies who may be watching and cheering you on expend all that testosterone/estrogen at screaming about how unfair the world is and how terrible they are - but imagine the looks on your buddies faces, and the cellphone pics of you on the ground, tasered or OC-Sprayed like the idiot you are as they are handcuffing you and carting your ass off.
5. Hospital etiquette. (ah, you knew I'd get to the reason of this rant sooner or later, didn't you?) It is not a good idea to yell and scream and swear, and threaten and stomp your feet, and throw personal items along with hospital items, and get in the face of the Doctor and staff who are treating your illness/injury you dumb alcoholic-overloaded schmuck! That Doctor is the only think keeping you from getting your ass hauled off to lockup for PC; and that single police officer and the security officer? If they can't handle you themselves and put you down so that you are no longer threatening to yourself or others, guess what? The big blue uniformed calvary is just a red phone call away. Dumb ass.
